1. Really figure out what I wanna do with my life.
Okay, I’m eighteen years old and I seriously don’t know what to do with my life. I mean, I know what I wanna be. I wanna be a journalist and researcher; do some documentaries that will slap to the faces of the people the many instances that matter that we have often neglected in life. I don’t know, maybe some documentaries that would make them think that they’re living in a rich third world country that seriously needs to have a change in its system to actually give out its richness. But the thing is… I’m not doing anything right now to actually make that dream come true. I need some push here. Ugh.
2. Get some serious reading done.
The thing is… I love reading. It’s just that… I can’t stay at hold with one book. I would often start reading it then I’d just leave it halfway done. I have finished some novels, too but often times, me breaking up halfway with a book is always the case. But what I meant with serious reading here is that I should engage myself with the serious books and not the usual leisure books that I’ve dealt with. Some sort like having fun while learning.
3. Get some serious writing done.
I’ve been writing. Ever since I was in grade school, I’ve been into these journalism camps up until I was in high school. This has been one of the reasons why I’m taking up my course right now and have often set my plans to be some journalist someday. Yet right now, I feel like I’m stuck into very technical writing. It’s something like I only write what is being asked of me to write about. I find this depressing though. It’s as if I’ve lost all my creative juices or maybe, I still have them with me right now, it’s just that, I can’t easily lay them down into paper or the monitor of my laptop. Ugh. Working on it.
4. Stop thinking that I’m always not good enough.
^Yeah, that’s basically it.
5. Stop giving in to the temptation of material stuff brought by consumerism.
Looking back in my high school and elementary self, I realized that I lived such a bourgeois lifestyle. I can’t easily say that I’ve escaped it already now that I’m in college but at the very least, I’m aware now that I’ve been such a narcissistic and spoiled teenager. These mannerisms of mine have been brought about many factors while I was growing up (yeah, I suppose). But right now, I’m dealing with the fact that these material things are nothing but material things. Consumerism is one sick bastard that makes you think that you really need more than what you already have right now… or even makes you think that you need things that you don’t have.
6. Find a way to get back into acting.
I’ve only started acting when I was in my last year in high school. Amazingly, I fell in love with it. It must be because I was with people who I really love while doing it back then. It’s some sort of an escape for me. The hard part there maybe is that with all the roles that I’ve been, I can’t seem to figure out right away who my true self was. Nah, kidding. I’m not that good. Haha. But really, getting into some acting again would be really satisfying.
7. Learn to deal with other people’s crap at school.
Now that I’m in college, there are seriously a lot of people that I need to get used to. Adapting to a new environment isn’t that hard for me, but dealing with new people, well that’s kinda something tricky. I’m generally friendly but don’t take it as a sign that I would consider you right away as my friend. I’m really choosy. I don’t know, I have terrible trust issues, I guess. But I guarantee you that when I get to know you more and hang out with you more, I can be pretty nice. So basically, I have to work on being pretty nice to people whom are still my acquaintances. Okay, working on it.
8. Practice myself in giving out my opinions (opinions that really matter). I know I’m kinda good here at least. Ugh.
I can keep my emotions to myself but not my opinions. Yeah, that’s been a thing in me ever since. I think I can easily relay my thoughts anyway. I just maybe need to improve it more. Maybe by reading some serious stuff, I can support my opinions with heavy theories or facts. So it all goes back to number two on this list. Okay, I should really work on that.
9. Look for my old achiever self.
Now this is another depressing thing for me. I’m in second year college and I haven’t done anything notable yet. Okay. This is seriously not me. Ugh. College is difficult alright but the fact that other people are having some stuff done makes me feel all worthless. All the pressure happening in my system right now is killing me. I know that this is really pathetic but I need some motivation in me to get stuff done- and for one, that is to achieve something. In line with this, I should stop being afraid to try new things. Working on it.
10. Stop hating people right at the very moment I learn that we have different views on different stuff.
^Yeah, again, that’s basically it. I really hold on to what I believe in and I don’t easily go with the flow just because it seems cool. I believe that there should be logic with every action that we do. And I know that I am not one to judge but I easily get pissed off with people who don’t share the same views that I have. What pisses me off more is when they would really push their beliefs for me to believe in also when they already know that I’m not that kind of person. But okay. Stop the hate and learn to love it is.
11. Stop missing my high school friends every so often.
Along with my terrible trust issues is my terrible clingy issues. I think what makes my high school friends so special is that because I really had an awesome high school life. I know that every other person would tell the same thing about their high school life but I know for a fact that these high school friends of mine served as a second family to me. Yeah, other people would say the same about their high school friends again. Well, maybe that’s really it. High school never ends.
12. Persuade the teens of my age to never give up on the country despite the many crap happening right now.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful Philippines. Amen.
13. Remind people that the “tough time” that they’re having right now isn’t as tough as the times the farmers, marginalized, and oppressed are dealing with.
People right now should really have some sort of an awakening here. No, not having a new gadget doesn’t mean that it’s the end of the world. The hard times that we’re having isn’t as hard as what the people who are fighting for their own freedom is having right now. We should be aware that there are people out there who are trying as hard as they can to survive everyday. That is not even an exaggeration.
14. Have some more decent things written in this blog.
Working on it.